The Fantasy Festival

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Throughout the month of May, Oklahoma is home to a variety of community festivals and events. It’s a pretty diverse mix. We have festivals ranging from the properly named (Mayfest in Tulsa) to the delicious (Tabouleh Festival in Bristow) and to the downright scary and dangerous (Okeene Rattlesnake Round-Up).

Despite the diverse smorgasbord of local events that our state offers, I think there are some festivals we could add to the calendar. Here are some possible ideas:

“The Gary England Was Born Here” festival in Seiling. ?If you compiled a list of the most recognizable Oklahomans, I’d bet you a quarter-sized hail milkshake that KWTV Channel 9 Chief Meteorologist Gary England would rank near the top. That’s because we love our weather coverage in Oklahoma, and nobody is better at telling us to take tornado precautions and stay off icy roads than Gary England.

That being said, Gary’s hometown of Seiling, Okla., doesn’t have any festivals, parades and/or grand celebrations to celebrate his birth. They need to make this happen. They could have contests like “pin the sun the on the seven-day forecast” or “storm chaser obstacle courses.” Who wouldn’t want to go to this?

“The Dangerously Obsessed With High School Sports”
festival in south Tulsa.? First of all, please don’t send me any hate letters or spray paint your school’s logo on my front yard for writing this, but I don’t understand the freaky fascination that a lot of Tulsans have – especially those who support Jenks and Union – with high school athletics. Maybe to help explain this odd fascination with the athletic accomplishments of 14-to-18-year-olds to people like me, they could have a festival or something.

“The International Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Festival” at Big Splash.
I haven’t been to a water park in about 20 years. That’s probably because I’m a 33-year-old single guy with no kids. But know what will get me to a water park? A tastefully done bikini festival. It would be a big hit, trust me.

“PIKEPASS Fest” at the Turner Turnpike McDonald’s. ?Am I the only one who feels a strange bond with fellow PIKEPASS users? Yeah, that’s what I thought, but hear me out on this. People who have a PIKEPASS have more in common with each other than just a white box in a car or sticker on a windshield. They also share a desire for fast, efficient travel, a disdain for accumulating loose change and understand the nervous feeling you get when the orange light goes off as you pass through the sensors. Being able to bond with these people at a McDonald’s near the middle of nowhere would be super fun.

The Oklahoma Magazine “Summer Jamboree” in Tulsa. This would be a fun jamboree hosted by Oklahoma Magazine. It would feature free Indian tacos, free beer and all the Oklahoma Magazine editors would be dressed like clowns in dunk tanks. There would also be juggling midg.…never mind.

Join Patrick at www.thelostogle.com for a never-ending supply of snark.

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