I Love You, Bro.

Before I write this column, I usually run a few ideas by my editor. Her reply is pretty standard: “Whatever works for you. You are such a talented and handsome man.”

However, this month was different. With Valentine’s Day approaching, here is a list of column ideas that I emailed to her:

  • How to score desperate single girls at a bar on Valentine’s Day
  • Seven reasons why the girl should pick up the tab
  • Let her down gently: 10 great ways to break up
  • Why single people are happier and live longer
  • Travis Meyer: The Man Behind The Moustache

Her reply to me was, “Why don’t you write about how to keep your bromance alive and passionate during Valentine’s Day? Need it soon. Thanks.”

A “bromance” – in case you didn’t know – is defined by the Interwebs as “a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men.”

I’m not sure why my editor thinks I know a lot about bromancing, but since I’m a team player (and a “yes man”) I agreed to write the column.

Play NBA Jam for seven hours. This could be any video game, but since it’s the game that my brother and I are currently addicted to, it fills this spot. Playing a video game is to the bromance what drinking Relax wine and watching Love, Actually is to the female BFF relationship. The only difference is that video games are fun and enjoyable.

Watch a Clint Eastwood movie marathon. The only catch is that it can’t be Bridges of Madison County. That could ruin the bromance.

Think of clever fantasy football names. Even though fantasy football season is now over, it’s never too early to think of a clever team name. My early favorites are Favre’s Cell Phone, The Metrodome Roof and Brady’s Luscious Locks.

Go out for “a beer or two.” This is the classic bromance activity. In fact, it’s how bromances are made. Usually, “a beer or two” leads to bromance-building discussions like opening a bar together or what type car you’d buy for each other if you won the lottery. Occasionally, it even leads to text messages the following day that read, “I think I left my debit card at the bar,” or, “Why is there a clown suit in my trunk?”

Take a road trip. If you take a road trip, do yourself a favor and make sure it ends up in Las Vegas, New Orleans or a place by an ocean. Those places offer the most bromance-friendly activities like bars and girls. However, be advised that the road trip is a big step in the typical bromance. It’s even bigger than asking a bro to help you move. If you’re not ready to commit to the bromance, don’t do it.

Buy tickets to Single in the City. As I mentioned earlier, I am a total team player (and a “yes man”). I’m also apparently talented and handsome. So yeah, I’ll see you there.

 

Patick will be happy to tell you why the girl should pick up the tab if you visit www.thelostogle.com.